When commemorating the genocide only spells death for survivors!

Every April 7th, Rwanda commemorates the Genocide that cost more than a million lives.

I just had dinner with a gentleman of about 60 years of age who survived the genocide by hiding for weeks in the ceiling of a good samaritan’s house. There were several occasions he told me, when he was so close to giving up hiding since he had lost all hope after eaves dropping on the conversations of killers who had come to end their day's work with some local brew at the house he was hiding in. The killers apparently tallied those they had killed at the end of every day over a pot of local brew and even boasted of achieving their goal of wiping out all the Tutsi! To make it worse the good samaritan reminded him every single day of how lucky he was since many Tutsis like him in the area had been wiped out, because they couldn't be hidden any longer by those who had given them a place to hide in their homes. He managed to survive the genocide luckily but his family did not!

After giving me his short account, he received a phone call from a friend who told him that two youths (genocide survivors) had been kidnapped, killed and their bodies dumped in a river.

Mysterious deaths of genocide survivors and harassment mark our commemoration of the genocide in Rwanda. For the next month, not only will genocide survivors remember their loved ones lost, but they will be faced with their greatest fear of dying most likely like those whose deaths they are commemorating.

Between a rock and a hard place!

A few weeks ago I met quite an interesting man…

I am currently trying to forge my way out of my current employment in the civil service and looking to ultimately find a job in another country. So far I have applied to about 3 jobs out of here and I am still waiting to either get shortlisted for interviews or be told that am either getting the job or not. And doesn’t the waiting really suck?

My job is what many people here would view as ideal. Not because of anything else but because of the status it brings with it which gives people the assumption that all is rosy on my work front! I get quite a high pay for the civil service and also get some attractive benefits. Otherwise, in terms of career development on my part, it’s just dead! The civil service here is characterized by 3 kinds of people: those who live, sleep and eat for it- the kind who think it’s the best place to do nothing, and get paid for it yet still manage to climb up the ranks through back-stabbing and the works; those who so love their country and have offered their services in the name of nation building-these never seem to climb up the ranks strangely enough and are most times the engine of the civil service; and those who are using it as a stepping stone for greater opportunities-and that’s where I lie.

The first category of people comprises of the majority of civil service staff and is one of the reasons I want my quick exit from the civil service. I do not understand how one wakes up every morning to say they are going to work but all they do is try to secure their jobs in the most disdain ways. I have had a chat with one or two of those in my department and asked what their ambitions are, only to be told that they do not see themselves beyond the Ministry and only hope to move at least one rank up in their job within. These are the same people I recently discovered have been filing the most sinister complaints about me and to say I am not surprised is an understatement.

The other thing is that never at any one day at my job except of course during regional meetings and some random tasks, have I sat and felt that I am making use of the proceeds from my intense training at law school and that’s why I really can’t wait to find a challenging job in a dynamic environment and with a whole load of driven and open minded people…a job where I can sit and appreciate why I went through the intensity of my legal training, a job that shall make me hunger for more knowledge, a job that is not all status and zero substance, a job that shall make me a better lawyer and finally a job that is bigger than who I am!! Oh and did I mention more money? Yeah, the kind that shall secure my son’s education in the best schools and the kind that shall make annual holidays affordable.

Until I met the interesting man recently, I have had a standing job offer here in my country which is much better than my current job but does not exactly fit in my description of my ultimate job. It serves though as a good transition to what would be my ideal job and the pay package is rather attractive.

Two weeks ago, I went out for a drink with a former lecturer who was in town for business. With him was a partner of a reputable British Law firm-the kind I would do anything to work for. They are quite a chatty pair, so conversation was really flowing and the drinks too. Then we got into a little debate about a contentious issue that involved one of their clients here. (I am a very opinionated person and as such not shy when it comes to expressing myself). So off I went voicing my opinion on the matter.

We moved on to have dinner and while having dinner the interesting gentleman said he was really impressed by my arguments and wondered if I would be interested in working for the law firm he works for but in Africa. I didn’t take the offer seriously since I didn’t consider a job offer would come that easily especially when it was to work for the said law firm! He insisted though that I must meet him for at least fifteen minutes the next day before he could catch his flight.

I did go the next day and the offer just blew me away- the kind that I really have been looking for and in their associate firm in the country I would like to call home in the next many years! I just kept telling myself that it was all a dream, and kept wondering how the man could be so right about what I hungered for and at such a time. I mentioned to him that I had a standing job offer and his response was that what they were offering me was in many ways a better deal and that I should consider the proposition.

The next day all I did was Google the partners and staff profiles of the associate law firm as well as the profile of this gentleman and of course conducted my other investigations on the fellow and whether his offer really did hold water. Thanks to a friend to an acquaintance who has worked for the firm in one of their African associate offices and gave me the go ahead to count on the offer.

But things have since taken a different turn.

The interesting man is now sending naughty text messages, calling in the night to ask how I am doing and how beautiful he thinks I am…..

It’s really a tough world we women live in!

It’s a shame that what seems to be my ultimate job is now being blurred by the recent turn of events.

Interesting how I chatted with a trusting male friend about this and he said that if the job is what I believe is my ultimate job then I should ‘smartly’ flirt away till I get hold of it!!??

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And;

I do occasionally toy with thoughts of staying a single mom and today is one of those days. Someone please post me an encyclopedia on men…gees!!!

Of friends who put you down.

B is one of the few people I have considered as my very close friends for a long time.

I am her daughter's God mother and I was her maid of honor at her wedding. We have shared the teary and smiley moments over the years, so she is really in on many of my personal life's happenings as I also know some of hers.

In most of our conversations in the past year or so, she has brought up the topic of my ex and how he is looking good, doing well for himself yada yada. At the beginning I was really cool with that and often told her that I am glad he is doing well for himself because I wouldn't want my son to have a father who isn't capable of taking care of himself and considering he is a reputed drunk, knowing that he perhaps is doing well for himself is good for my son's esteem later on.

But of late I have realized saying how good he looks and how well he must be doing etc, has been a constant contribution by her to our conversations which is not something I appreciate because he really is history. Most times I have really ignored, changed conversation and wondered why this particular subject keeps being brought up. I like to give my friends the benefit of the doubt before making conclusion and in this case it wasn't any different even though I several times was close to saying STOP every time she brought it up.

But yesterday, things took a different turn between me and my friend. Actually I am not very sure I should consider her a close friend anymore.

I picked her up for a date yesterday and hardly had we left her house than the topic of my ex came up again. This time, accompanied with some very sinister comments. She told me he had opened a pub and that if I hadn't left him I would most probably be managing his accounts and doing all that book keeping stuff. I looked at her in shock and wondered why on earth she can't once and for all get over me and him. I could have left her at her door step but went on to the planned date with my sister and her but I could swear that the whole time I was telling myself this is it!

I am not a very confrontational person and most times I prefer to phase people out of my life with no notice especially when I realize they really are not good willing people. I also like to think that such personal statements are not careless or accidental, most times they are either riddled with jealousy or perhaps the person simply has no good intentions.

Its unfortunate her daughter is my Godchild but for now I don't think B is one of the people I really need to surround myself with.