It shall be three weeks tomorrow since I called off my engagement. This has been one hell of a painful ride and I guess it will still be for a little while. I have a strange way of dealing with shocking situations- I go numb for a while and after several days, that’s when my emotions let loose. The past weeks have been characterized by high moments when I have thought of myself as so lucky as to have known about this early enough, knowing that I have a wonderful son to take care of and give my undue attention to as well as the consolation of a flourishing career. Then the low moments when I have asked myself a lot of questions. It is all part of the process I suppose and I really can’t wait to put this past me. He has been trying to communicate, even sent me a thank you (for everything) email, tried calling and asked mutual friends to talk to me but I prefer not to communicate until I have totally come around the situation at hand. One thing about me is that I love so deeply, I never go half way when it comes to my relationships and that’s just me. I have no doubt that I would do it all over again even after my share of disappointing relationships. But on the other hand, when the other party betrays me or lets me down, I never look back.
In these past days, it has become very clear to me that most times people marry because of the perks that the relationship offers (presentable wife/husband, capable of raising your children, social standing, security, support and so on ) and not because they primarily love each other. And boy don’t they do a good job of impersonating love?? Maybe I am naïve or something, but my beliefs are different, these perks are secondary and should not be the foundation of the relationship/marriage or rather should not be capitalized on when finding/seeking a marriage partner. But how many people think like I do?
So for now, Maya is going to channel her energies elsewhere, I am looking to travelling the world, being a better mom, nourishing my spiritual life, enhancing my career, loving me more and keeping the good cheer.
Thanks to all those who have dropped a word of encouragement.
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Over a month ago I wrote a post about Pedro an old flame but never completed it. I shall be short on this. Well, I didn’t succeed in keeping Pedro away; he remained good friends with me throughout my pregnancy. He was always at hand and we continued to go for the activities we both liked. Then one day Pedro told me something I will never forget. He said if my boyfriend never owned up, he was willing to be the father to my son. I was very touched by the gesture but I wanted my son to be raised by me and his real dad, so I didn’t take on Pedro’s offer even though I knew my son’s father was not going to own up anyway. Pedro had to leave and go abroad to pursue his masters, we promised to remain friends as usual and kept in touch occasionally after that. I went on to wed and eventually separated from my husband. But all the events had sort of changed me emotionally. Pedro remained a good memory, we still kept in touch and from our conversations I could tell he still cared for me deeply. But it wasn’t the same on my part.
I got an opportunity to go for my Masters in the same country where Pedro was and we met again. I was glad to see him again, but seeing him just reminded me of how much things had changed in my life. I was more comfortable with him as a trusted friend but I never thought of considering him as a lover. And I felt guilty about that because it seemed like he had been waiting for me. I made it clear to him that things weren’t the same; I had turned out to be paranoid about any form of relationship and even worse when it was sexual. With his persistence and of course my wanting to be “good” to him for the time he had been by my side when I was pregnant, I gave in to his demands and pursued a relationship with him.
I enjoyed two things about my relationship with Pedro, our long chats and doing what we did best in the past, discovering the best eateries and going to the movies. Not forgetting that he had great taste and always thought through the gifts he bought me. And I know this frustrated him big time because he was way ahead of me. He talked about marriage frequently, he had my pictures all over his house, he made me speak with his mom frequently when he called her and eventually he became very jealous and possessive to the extent that he often times checked my phone records and on many occasions tried to get my password(These reminded me so much of my ex and made me want my running shoes on). Then the constant complaints began. I don’t think my unwillingness to take him on as a lover worked well for us and in no time the relationship began to smoother me and I felt terrible for crossing the line where our friendship was concerned.
I asked to end the relationship midway my masters program but Pedro wouldn’t take it. So we agreed that we would end it when I left. I did just that when I returned and told him we should keep it as agreed but he wouldn’t let go.
Pedro was a wonderful man but the most he could be for me was a good friend. I know I hurt his feelings terribly and I think it was wrong to get into the relationship before fully recovering from the traumas of my marriage. I was happy to see him some months ago and am glad to say he has found a good lady and they shall be wedding soon.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Between a rock and a hard place was so much about some stifling aspects of my career, particularly it being used as bait for sexual advances. Am glad to say that I have been acting quite damn so to speak in the past months while holding on to getting what I want. I tried “smartly flirting away” then my conscience got the better of me, so I abandoned that ship and decided to face the problem head on. I spoke candidly to the gentleman about my concerns, particularly the sexual advances and told him I would rather know am getting the job on merit rather than know I shall be getting it because of his advances. To cut the long story short I managed to meet the partners of the law firm who reported that they were impressed by me and as I write this we are now discussing terms of my employment. I am keeping my fingers crossed because working for this law firm shall be of great benefit to me and my son. On whether this shall be the end of the fellow’s advances? I do not think so, and I don’t intend to let go of any opportunity because of some strange thinking person. However I have another interview at the end of this month and still am crossing my fingers! I am keeping all my options open, at the moment the opportunities seem promising and I shall post some updates when something solid materializes.
In these past days, it has become very clear to me that most times people marry because of the perks that the relationship offers (presentable wife/husband, capable of raising your children, social standing, security, support and so on ) and not because they primarily love each other. And boy don’t they do a good job of impersonating love?? Maybe I am naïve or something, but my beliefs are different, these perks are secondary and should not be the foundation of the relationship/marriage or rather should not be capitalized on when finding/seeking a marriage partner. But how many people think like I do?
So for now, Maya is going to channel her energies elsewhere, I am looking to travelling the world, being a better mom, nourishing my spiritual life, enhancing my career, loving me more and keeping the good cheer.
Thanks to all those who have dropped a word of encouragement.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………..
Over a month ago I wrote a post about Pedro an old flame but never completed it. I shall be short on this. Well, I didn’t succeed in keeping Pedro away; he remained good friends with me throughout my pregnancy. He was always at hand and we continued to go for the activities we both liked. Then one day Pedro told me something I will never forget. He said if my boyfriend never owned up, he was willing to be the father to my son. I was very touched by the gesture but I wanted my son to be raised by me and his real dad, so I didn’t take on Pedro’s offer even though I knew my son’s father was not going to own up anyway. Pedro had to leave and go abroad to pursue his masters, we promised to remain friends as usual and kept in touch occasionally after that. I went on to wed and eventually separated from my husband. But all the events had sort of changed me emotionally. Pedro remained a good memory, we still kept in touch and from our conversations I could tell he still cared for me deeply. But it wasn’t the same on my part.
I got an opportunity to go for my Masters in the same country where Pedro was and we met again. I was glad to see him again, but seeing him just reminded me of how much things had changed in my life. I was more comfortable with him as a trusted friend but I never thought of considering him as a lover. And I felt guilty about that because it seemed like he had been waiting for me. I made it clear to him that things weren’t the same; I had turned out to be paranoid about any form of relationship and even worse when it was sexual. With his persistence and of course my wanting to be “good” to him for the time he had been by my side when I was pregnant, I gave in to his demands and pursued a relationship with him.
I enjoyed two things about my relationship with Pedro, our long chats and doing what we did best in the past, discovering the best eateries and going to the movies. Not forgetting that he had great taste and always thought through the gifts he bought me. And I know this frustrated him big time because he was way ahead of me. He talked about marriage frequently, he had my pictures all over his house, he made me speak with his mom frequently when he called her and eventually he became very jealous and possessive to the extent that he often times checked my phone records and on many occasions tried to get my password(These reminded me so much of my ex and made me want my running shoes on). Then the constant complaints began. I don’t think my unwillingness to take him on as a lover worked well for us and in no time the relationship began to smoother me and I felt terrible for crossing the line where our friendship was concerned.
I asked to end the relationship midway my masters program but Pedro wouldn’t take it. So we agreed that we would end it when I left. I did just that when I returned and told him we should keep it as agreed but he wouldn’t let go.
Pedro was a wonderful man but the most he could be for me was a good friend. I know I hurt his feelings terribly and I think it was wrong to get into the relationship before fully recovering from the traumas of my marriage. I was happy to see him some months ago and am glad to say he has found a good lady and they shall be wedding soon.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Between a rock and a hard place was so much about some stifling aspects of my career, particularly it being used as bait for sexual advances. Am glad to say that I have been acting quite damn so to speak in the past months while holding on to getting what I want. I tried “smartly flirting away” then my conscience got the better of me, so I abandoned that ship and decided to face the problem head on. I spoke candidly to the gentleman about my concerns, particularly the sexual advances and told him I would rather know am getting the job on merit rather than know I shall be getting it because of his advances. To cut the long story short I managed to meet the partners of the law firm who reported that they were impressed by me and as I write this we are now discussing terms of my employment. I am keeping my fingers crossed because working for this law firm shall be of great benefit to me and my son. On whether this shall be the end of the fellow’s advances? I do not think so, and I don’t intend to let go of any opportunity because of some strange thinking person. However I have another interview at the end of this month and still am crossing my fingers! I am keeping all my options open, at the moment the opportunities seem promising and I shall post some updates when something solid materializes.
Keep smiling:)


