Five steps backwards

.....I went five steps backwards yesterday.

There is nothing as bad as love gone sour-it brings out the worst in some people.

It happened with my ex-husband and now my ex-fiancé can't keep his mouth shut due to his urge to distort the facts behind our break up and distort my name!! Baffles me that people will get out of their way to 'pay-back' for their own mess!! It’s a shame because I gave him the utmost honor by not discussing the details of our break-up with whoever cared to listen. What we had was special, at least to me, no matter what happened afterwards. To know that he is doing what he is doing now breaks my heart and just confirms to me that he really isn't the worthy man that I thought he was.

...and one wonders why some women make the choice to stay single?? Been down this road twice now, I am not sure I can bear the pain of dealing with someone I once regarded as my love to go and rubbish whatever cost us what we held so dear-which was us, our dreams and hopes!

When people can't mind their own business

If there is one thing I can’t stand its people taking their time to rationalize the decisions I make in MY life and this is especially with regard to my relationships!!

When I left my ex husband, my break up became a national issue of sorts, every tom, dick and harry had an opinion on the matter. Many said I was too young and impatient and even gave a number of months within which I would return to the ex. Others blamed my parents for being supportive of me; others were in praise because I left as soon as I realized I could not live with the character that is my ex. And to this day, five years on, they still are going about my break up! Time wasters!

See, I don’t even understand what goes through peoples’ minds. When I was getting married, it was NOISE! I mean people would come to my parents’ home mourning about how am getting married to a wreck, some would take time off to even speak to me about the mistake I was making. But I only had to face the music which was my marriage to make my own independent decision. That’s life. BUT these are the same people singing how I made the childish decision to leave. I have never regretted that decision though. At the end of the day, it is you and not those people, who goes to bed and awakes with whatever reality that is your life.

And now my recent break up…still everybody’s business.. Goshhh!

A few weeks ago an acquaintance of mine asked what’s wrong with me, why do I keep dumping guys, can’t I be patient with whatever their vices are-that they are only human. Just laughed it off coz I had better things to think about but I was not amused. I must admit this whole Maya-you-can’t-keep-dumping-guys story does get to me even though I have had valid reasons for ending my relationships. So a friend of mine has been abroad for a while, so she got back and I told her about my break up. Ofcourse I never divulge all the details of why my relationship ended. Anyway so she, like everyone else called me today and told me she had had a chat with her best friend about my break up, rationalized it and thought perhaps my reasons were not good enough reasons apparently because they are.. “Happily in touch with their exes and have no intentions of going back with them or jeopardizing their relationships in whatever way.” My response to her was that whatever the reasons for my break up are, I would rather they aren’t rationalized. It is my business and only I know what transpired. Geeees!! Is this concern? I don’t understand because I have never found it my business to call up any of my friends after a recent break up to tell them that they had made the right/ wrong decision. It is their business and whatever services I may offer I can only offer a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear if need be or an opinion once requested for it.

One thing is for sure, I shall not settle for less. Less is relative I know but I, like everybody else has a limit to whatever I can withstand. In addition to that, I believe my heart and body are too much to give, if I do give it to you in anyway (commitment), I have outdone myself and it’s because I really love you and want nothing else but us to work. Most if not at all times I will cross the oceans, forego many things just for you (this may be changing). But do not abuse it in the name of loving me or because you think you have ‘got’ me. Lets cherish what we have, maintain the values we may share, love one another honestly and accept that there are challenges in life we can work through. It’s all teamwork. But if I realize you just have your left foot in this, then I shall pull both my feet out.

And if you are in the habit of rationalizing or judging other peoples decisions whether they are decisions regarding their love life or whatever, unless you have been approached as a counselor or anything in that line, perhaps it’s an important lesson to learn that while you are at it, you are wasting precious time that you should be spending thinking of constructive things in your own life and stop minding other peoples’ business!!

Mommy, please do not embarrass me!!

So my son read me the riot act last night.

See he is such a bubbly boy and I can’t blame him for it. I am quite bubbly too and I think that can be embarrassing for an offspring.

He had an entrance exam this morning, so when I arrived home from work last evening I went through the drills of asking him whether he had done enough revision and if he thought he was ready for the exam.

He confidently replied that he had done a good job of revising, was ready for the exam but there was something else he needed to tell me. So I asked what it was.

“Mom, please please please do not embarrass me tomorrow”

How I asked?

“I know when you get there you shall say...oh this is my son Kemp, I have brought him for the exam but no worries he is a clever boy, he even knows that 10+10 is 20! Please I beg you mom, don’t do that. When we get there just say this is my son Kemp, I have brought him for the exam, then keep quiet and take your seat. Ok?”

And I made sure I didn’t disappoint this morning. I spoke very few words as instructed.

However another warning was given, “please don’t hold my hand mom, you know I am a big boy now”.

But do I saaay??:) The boy is growing on me but he must stand warned, there are way more embarrassing moments to come but I shall do my best not to cramp his style!!

That reminds me of two other embarrassing episodes.

My little sister and brother were in Westlands primary and there were humps just after you entered the school gate. My dad had a green ford salon which he really liked. First car sentiments you know. So it lived past its due date because of those sentiments and was a major cause of embarrassment especially when it got to maneuvering humps. And mark you these were ordinary humps. So on many occasions at the school humps the good old car would stall and only a push would get it past and my siblings would scamper whenever this would happen lest they are seen as the kids who get picked up in that old green ford that can’t go past a hump. Eventually my siblings told my dad that he should always park outside the school gate but never gave him any apparent reason. Thankfully he did.

The other is about my cousins. The people from my dad’s side of the family are very dark in complexion and the parents of these particular cousins are not only very dark, but my Uncle is (how do I put it?) well rounded around the waist and his wife was a few years back. They were living in Asia for a while and whenever my uncle and his wife appeared at my cousins’ school to pick them up they attracted serious stares and sometimes giggles and pointed fingers from the rest of the school. Their complexion and size didn’t help matters. For a long time my cousins suffered embarrassment from the attention their parents attracted and decided to request their mom that only the driver should pick them up. Of course their mom didn’t take it well, so she made it a point to always drop and pick them up from school with the windows of the car down such that she was in full view of the whole school and hopefully she thought her kids would stop being embarrassed!!

Waxing misadventures

I have had enough of waxing misadventures in this little town I live in.

Waxing is quite a recent thing here and I don't think it seats very well with many of the people here, for whatever reason. The parlor ladies also tell me that their client base is mainly foreigners and they get very few locals dropping in for a waxing job.

The first time I went for a waxing job in this town was about two years ago when for the first time a salon in one of the top hotels here introduced waxing to their list of services offered. No other salon was offering those services at the time. I went for a bikini wax and it was not the best experience I must say. The lady who was doing the waxing used cold wax (paaaaaainful) and she seemed not to like what she was doing. I tried small talk to make her feel comfortable but that didn't yield much. In the end, I was all sore and swore never to go back.

I thereafter resorted to going for a waxing job every time I travelled which worked very well (I travel at least once every two-three months for work) for me until Mariah came to town. Mariah does a good job no doubt, she is very patient and she likes what she does! She has quite amusing stories and these have a way of making you feel at ease with her and not shy away from entrusting her with your intimate bits for some good grooming :)

But Mariah has been down, very ill leaving me with no choice but to try elsewhere.

As I write this, my under arms and elsewhere are sore!!! See I needed some grooming done and upon remembering my past experience I thought to myself, why not try the Serena, with the number of foreigners who swamp their salon and all those people who can part with quite a sum for some grooming, they must be capable of doing a good waxing job!! Same story, cold wax, a lame excuse for not being able to comfortably do a bikini wax and a shabby job done!!! I can imagine how many customers the proprietor of that business has lost courtesy of a bad waxing job!!!

Just ranting!

I hope Mariah can feel better soon :(

Maisha ni Schweppes!

Hello my blog friends,

This place has been rather silent, one of those times when you simply can’t put down something sensible… so bear with me today if I go around circles in an effort to put down something.

I really can’t wait for this year to end; it must GO with all its wahala! I have big plans for 2010…. biiig plans! Amongst other things, I have started saving up for a grand holiday. I don’t know yet where I shall be going (wouldn’t mind ideas) but one thing is for sure, I am looking for the kind of experience that is a fusion of a wellness quest, a cultural sojourn and a relaxing vacation! The thought of getting a couple of rugged jeans, t-shirts, all weather shoes and a few supplies to discover a far off place seems like a great plan for a revival journey.

I want to learn how to dance Kizomba! I am a good zouk dancer, which am told makes it easier to learn kizomba but I want a real Angolan experience! One of the local clubs here has a kizomba theme night and am not exactly keen on learning from the lurkers. Anyway…..that’s my wicked mind doing the works…if you put two and two together you shall realize that the sensuality of the dance and having a chiseled Angolan man-boy doing the teaching is quite the catalyst to my line of thinking!! But if not, why not?

In other news, seems like my boss has finally realized the potential in me and we are now back to the drawing board. I shall move departments before the end of the year apparently to ‘beef up the capacity’ in that other department. And he did mention that if I am interested he could push for me to receive sponsorship from the government to pursue my PhD. The flip side of that is that I shall be stuck in this establishment for the duration of my studies. Well, let’s see how that works out.

And my little boy lost his first tooth, so we are still waiting for the tooth fairy to deliver. Apparently she is travelling around the world dropping coins for other toothless little kids like him before she can finally come to us. I plan on having the tooth fairy surprise him with a DVD he has been asking for for the longest time but I can’t seem to find it in this little town.

My parents are back in town and we are one big happy family again! Meal times are the best for us coz that’s where all the stories, debates, arguments and what have you are unleashed! My son is following cue and he wants to also actively contribute to whatever conversation there is. Most times, he is way off and it just cracks us up! At least he is slowly learning how not to interrupt when someone especially an older person is talking and that he doesn’t have to speak at the top of his voice to put across a point or be heard.

All in all, things are a lot better in my neck of the woods, I can’t complain much. As my little brother would say Maisha ni Schweppes!!

I am not sure I know how to download youtube clips with blogger but I shall try. I love Martina McBride and this particular song is awesome!! I hope it lifts up your spirits as much as it does mine!

Well, I have failed, so here is the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cr_iNfxZl0I

Bon Weekend!!

Tapping into my power

I have been going through some serious emotional turmoil in the past few days hence the minimal activity on the blog. The tough girl façade eventually tumbled.

After a lot of introspection, I have come to the realization that it is okay to mourn the loss of a former lover even though he screwed up, it is okay to sometimes be engulfed in feelings of missing and wanting that person and hating yourself after that for thinking of him in that way, it is okay to feel a bit of empathy towards that person, at the same time it is okay to be engulfed with so much anger towards that person, it is okay to sometimes feel like the loss has eaten away a bit of your self esteem and it is indeed okay to allow yourself to feel these things whatever the case.

The introspection was as a result of feeling let down by the fact that even if I thought I had moved on, I was crumbling inside because. I had not allowed myself enough time to deal with the pain from my break up but instead, I had just soldiered on thinking “what the heck, another loss, life must go on.” Thank God for light bulb moments, I have come to the realization that I don’t have to beat myself about these things and as part of the healing, as part of finding my old self, I must waddle in all this but in a progressive way such that it is eventually all out of my system. Sucks though!

What has also made matters worse is his constant communication when the calendar day is on the day I left him. I don’t think it has really sunk in that I don’t want to keep in touch with him. At least not in a while.

So for now, I am accepting the fact that some emotional battering is very normal and necessary in overcoming pain and that being ‘strong’ does not in any way mean you have to numb yourself from feeling.

Bon weekend!

Bruised but not broken

It’s been long since I last posted here. I have had a grueling two months, both emotionally and physically. For some reason, a lot of things in my life have been heading down south.

I eventually turned down the offer for the job I had written about. The fellow decided to be the greedy man he is and said he would ensure that my demands are met (package) only if I give him something in return. When I asked what it was, he said ‘have sex with me.’ And that sealed it for me. I eventually rejected the offer. I also did go for the job interview I had mentioned in one of my post. It went very well until a sudden twist of events that may rob me of yet another opportunity. For a whole month I knew I would be relocating to the country where the organization is since word had gone around that I had come top in my interview and of course considering it’s a regional job, my government has a way of priding in one of their own being considered for such positions, so word went around pretty fast. The phone kept ringing with congratulatory messages from friends and other people who had heard the news. I couldn’t hold down my excitement and for every single day I planned my relocation and day dreamed about how me and my son would be spending our lives in the next five years! Then one day, all those hopes were dashed!! News came in that they had opted for another person to take the position-an insider in the organization. Apparently I am too young for the position and my years of experience do not match the prerequisite years that were set out in the application!! Needless to say, when I was shortlisted for the interview and eventually selected by the panel that was not an issue. I have been asked to wait for the final decision but with the politics involved I am not counting on any positive outcome.

In a span of just two months I have dealt with two major heartbreaks. An engagement gone wrong and my hopes for a good career dashed. It has been tough but I have now sort of come around the pain and as usual, looking at the positive side of things. I guess there is a reason for everything. I am now toying with the idea of busying myself with a sandwich PhD program and perhaps start construction on my plot at the beginning of next year. Those should be some exciting projects to keep me on my toes. And of course my little champ who continues to make every day of my life worthwhile. I wonder how I would cope with all that has been happening if I didn’t have the little man to go home to at the end of a hectic and miserable day. He is such a joy and a wonderful blessing from God.

But on a more naughty side of things, I have been dealing so well with my recently chaste self until some deliciously biceped fellow turned up! We have had crazy chemistry for each other since I was twenty one, but I was such a danda head those days, I didn’t know how to deal with such things (LOL) and of course when I became smarter, time, distance and our different situations have not allowed us to deal with the chemistry. Unfortunately he is already taken so the most I can get from my evil thoughts is just chew on my fantasies. Now in situations like mine, being seated in the company of such biceped glory accompanied with very French mannerisms and a topping of great conversations is just good enough to make Maya a happy girl. And the struggle to keep chaste with the raging hormones of a thirty something woman continues!