This distance thing

I miss him terribly. The past weeks have been tough for me emotionaly. For some reason I have been craving some TLC, some alone moment with my man, some laughter, etc...all those things that make a moment with your loved one worthwhile.

But he is miles and miles away.

When am going through such a phase, I want to text endlessly or make/receive long phonecalls. He hasn't been replying the texts as frequently as I have sent them and the phonecalls are not that long. This has just thrown me further into my loneliness woes.

I hate to whine.

Now last night I just flipped. I wasn't getting what I wanted. If I send you 4 texts a day, please make an effort to reply them coz at that moment all I want is just to chat with you. I mean I miss you!! If you can't read that and choose to reply only one of them then clearly you are taking things for granted. (Thats my reasoning when am in such a state. Tomorrow when all has subsided I shall either be laughing at myself or still flipping depending on his reasoning for such behaviour) :) Well I got the phone called him and asked if he was okay. Then asked why he hadn't replied my texts or called back as promised. Next I told him he should understand I really miss him and getting replies when am going through this is paramount.

I hate to whine. Am I whining? Am I acting needy?

Distance can be a bitch!!

Step by step.

Its been a while since I last posted here.

Well well well, am still all smiley and looking forward to making the best wife and mum second, third, fourth and perhaps fifth time round:) I love kids! Its been crazy around me, people getting hysterical about the proposal, people planning for my next wedding and ofcourse anxiety on my part because I haven't been sure about how my parents would receive the news.

It has taken me by surprise how well I have dealt with the proposal. Sometime last year the thought of getting married sent chills down my spine and it was always a contentious issue between me and him. He never gave up on me though and kept telling me that one day we would get married. I met his mom before she passed on(bless her) and he introduced me to her as his future wife. I thought he was crazy because I was not sure if some months down the road I wouldn't be saying my adieus to him. The commitment phob that was me. I know it was tough for him sometimes when it came to dealing with me. To the extent that we made some resolutions for this year and on my part it was thinking positively, making less comparisons between my past and now, making less or no reference to my ex and the past. Basically giving my relationship and my man a chance to grow. On his part his resolution was that this year was for me and my son. Those resolutions so far have made tremendous improvement in our relationship and made me a more positive person. In actual fact my ex hardly crosses my mind, sometimes I even forget he ever existed. For real!

Sometime back I wrote about the fights we were having about who moves where and our careers. We have decided to take that bit a day at a time and continue making the most of our careers for the time being until we get married and make the final decision. I must admit that the thought of staying apart as a married couple is a tough one. I want to fully experience and enjoy marriage and living by the day with my partner is paramount for this. Yet I am a very ambitious woman, my career is what makes me who I am. I would love to hear what the women who have been through an experience of this kind have to say about making the decision.

The other thing that has been keeping me on my toes is breaking the news to my parents. My Fiancee is not from my country and its a big issue where I come from to marry or get married to someone from elsewhere. My mom made it clear sometime ago that none of her children should bring home a foreigner. But do we choose who we fall in love with? She doesn't know am engaged. I am yet to break it down for her....I don't look forward to that! My dad on the other hand is quite open minded. From a tender age, I was closest to my dad. He was the first I told I had a boyfriend and even before I could tell my mom, its him I broke the news to that I was pregnant. That is how close I am to my dad. So naturally he would be the first of my parents I would tell about the latest developments in my life. But I have been totally freaked out because this is something new in my family. He is also particularly sensitive where my past is concerned and I thought it would take so much convincing and reassurance where finding a second man for me is concerned.

Yesterday I had dinner with my dad to give him the news. I took my big brother with me for back up. Have I mentioned my sibling really like my fiancé? Well, my dad was surprised by the news and ofcourse had his reservations. Foreigner first but he came around that and said if I truly believe in the relationship and I am very sure about what am doing then the guy being from elsewhere is secondary. The second reservation was his profession. He is a pilot and my dad's view was that pilots wives are very lonely and the men are prone to temptation. The other reservation was my son, whether my fiancé knows all about my past and is willing to be a father to my son. All in all, by the end of the night I had my dad's blessing and he is looking forward to meeting him. That was such a relief for me. We now are strategising how to break the news to my mom. I am still not looking forward to that.

That's what has been happening on my front. Sometime next year is when we take our vows. We both want a small and private ceremony. So am not really engrossed in any big plans at the moment and ofcourse I shall not be wearing a wedding gown for the nuptials..no no:)

My son just made 5 years. He is growing so fast and is such a joy. I hope my dreams of giving him the best family unit sans my parents and siblings shall be fulfilled soon.

And by the way this post is for you MONA, you remind me so much of myself. I wish you the best and know there are better things ahead for you.