Rest in peace!

I just returned from Uganda where I had gone for the burial of my boyfriend's mom. She was their only surviving parent which was extremely sad and devastating for them as she was also now gone. I hope and pray her children get the courage to deal with their loss. May she rest in eternal peace.

Thankful

When I look at the paths I have trodden in the past 5 years, I cannot be more thankful to God for pulling me through, for never abandoning me and for always being by my side giving me hope for the times ahead.

I am thankful for my wonderful son who has made every moment of my life worth living. He has been a source of strength and the reason why I keep aiming for the best in life. His love is unconditional and boundless. 'Thats my mom' he proudly tells whoever cares to listen. What more can I ask for?

I am thankful for my immediate family, for being there for me and helping me walk this journey called life. The people I can wholly trust, the people who dont judge me, the people who no matter what have been by my side in good and bad times. The people that I am proud to call my family!

I am thankful for the man in my life. For his patience when I battled my past demons, for loving me and teaching me how to love again;for bringing laughter back into my life and for simply being the wonderful person he is.

I am thankful for my two best friends. For the love and laughter, for just being my bestest friends.

I am who I am today because of the Lord's unending blessings in my life. The highs and lows in my life have been his way of manifesting his presence and loving nature. I couldn't be more thankful today for that.

A pleasant stall in proceedings.

I looked forward to last Monday with the usual anxiety and dread feelings that come with my divorce proceedings. I hardly slept the night before and I couldn't stop wondering what drama he was bringing this time round.


What concerned me the most were the events of the past month where I got to discover that he had been in touch with my boy's nanny without my knowledge. My son's passport was also stolen by the same nanny and I have no doubt he was involved in that. The thought of what they could have wanted to do with that passport sends shivers down my spine. Why can't we just have a peaceful settlement to our troubles. Why can't he accept that this has all been his fault and leave me to peacefully bring up my son since he doesn't even make an ounce of contribution towards the child's welfare?

But who said it comes easy with such bad losers? I am not about to give up on fighting back either until he tires of making my life hell.

Well, Monday finally dawned. I got to court quite early and couldn't wait for court to begin. I checked out what he had with him and no extra documents in his possession and I sighed with relief. Since the passport saga I was expecting a twist in events especially things like forged documents or anything aimed at weakening my case.

His first submission was that he wanted an out of court settlement!!! I could have laughed out aloud. He was at it again trying to get an easy route. At that point I knew he was fighting a loosing battle. This was in my view a ploy to avoid the court's stern custody ruling and have it easy with an out of court settlement. I was not going to accept it, the law has to take an upper hand. Besides, the judge found it ridiculous and quashed his request. Case was adjourned thereafter for 15 days.

Although I have a strong case, the emotional drain from facing this man who caused me so much pain and recalling events some of which I have long stashed away, is overwhelming and I really can't wait to get this over and done with.

The Mother I want to be!!

I want to be the best mom in the world:)

To be the best friend to my kids

To be the most approachable person they have

To share in some of their little secrets

To be their perfect example

To be a good advisor to them

To share with them in their life's triumphs and disappointments

To nurture and care for them

To be their voice of reason

Not to compare my kids with other people's

...........................................................

The list is endless!!

I am kind of frustrated at the moment because I can never be as free with my mother as I would want to be. I am the oldest girl and this means very high expectations from her. My mom is the perfectionist who likes to compare her kids with others..she wants us to be better ofcourse but then again you can't make comparisons on face value. There is more to people's successes than what your naked eye can see.

I can never confide in my mom. It always turns against me in one way or another. Any effort in engaging in girl talk always ends up in a fight. I don't think I really satisfy the measure of the perfect daughter. But what the heck?

Sometimes I simply need advice from her, grown woman advise but that wont go without her questioning my inability to think certain things through. And I know better than seeking it from outside especially when it is personal. So today am bothered by something and ordinarily she would be the best person to turn to for advice but ofcourse its not going to happen. I can only wallow in my sorrows and find a solution for myself!!

Am still trying to figure out if its a generational trait since my pals have the same complaints about their mothers. And why is it that the gal child is more times at odds with her mother?

I want to change the whole perception of what a mother should be especially when it comes to being a 'friend' to her children.

Its a new year!!!!

This is indeed a new year for me in every aspect. I have never looked forward to another year with so much zeal like this time round.

The past year has been a transition for me in every aspect of my life. Though characterised by some challenges, I managed to deal with some and created firm foundations(I hope) for dealing with the long term ones. On the whole I am happy I ended it with a smile and great hope for the future.

2007 as it was.

• I returned home after two years of work and study(masters) away from home.
• I was a different person from the way I left. I had found the old confident and cheerful me and couldn't wait to take on life back home.
• I was still abit unsure about my community's perception of me. When I left I was the highlight of the time since I walked out of a marriage in less than a year of it. My community is quite an inquisitive and judgmental one. In many ways it also regards divorcees as some sort of pariahs no matter what the circumstances of the divorce(If at all they know them anyway). I guess the mystery surrounding my separation is what made the highlights. Thankfully it all seems forgoten now and the prying eyes and questions ceased.
• It wasn't easy getting a job as I had anticipated and I couldn't go back to my previous job here since in my opinion I was bigger than the job:) Some people thought it was ridiculous including my former employer but I didn't budge. In just less than a month of my return I signed a one month contract with an events firm. This later turned out to be a full term employment for 7 months.
• I left my job after 7 months because I could no longer stand my boss who I got to discover was a manipulative cheat and had the crazy notion that he would have an affair with me. I was also getting frustrated by the fact that there was no career development in the kind of work I was doing although it was something that was guaranteeing me some cash to maintain me until I got a job in line with my professional training(legal).
• I did quite a number of interviews in my quest for a 'good' job and I managed to get hold of one just in time to quell my impatience from waiting to settle down jobwise.
• I decided to take a plunge and try dating. I cannot say it has been smooth sailing but it has been a memorable experience. I am dating a wonderful person who has been patient enough to help me deal with my past demons and change my whole perspective of relationships. Bless him.
• I re-established myself socially and I have had the opportunity to actively participate in social activities and re-bond with my old aquaintances and friends .
• Resumed my divorce proceedings
• Increased my net-worth
• Changed school for my son and am glad he is doing well with his numbers, alphabet, colurs, figures, nursery ryhmes and the works. He has also grown more confident and wont cower away from the boy fights when provoked like he used to. He has learnt to stand for himself.
• Bonded with my family especially my brothers. It had been long since we all stayed together because of studying far and wide.
• As well as had the usual big fights with my mom! I wonder when the fighting will end?
• Re-furnished and organised our family home.
• I discovered black label which I delight in. Am hooked but in a responsible way:)
• Relished in my sexuality
• I reconnected with God.
• Loved myself more.
• Apreciated patience as a virtue.

For 2008, no listed resolutions, just making the best out of everyday and working towards accomplishing my dreams and desires. Living, loving, laughing name it!!! Not forgetting including God in whatever I do or plan to do as well as avoiding all negative forces.

Happy New Year!!!

Gone is Christmas

Christmas wasn't without much drama, I pulled my neck muscle while preparing to go to church and was rushed to hospital in a frenzy. Luckily the x-rays showed no damage was done to my spine nor my nerves. It was a muscle pull afterall! That was some relief considering in the few minutes between when it occured and getting the x-ray results I was in tears thinking about so many terrilble things. I am still wearing my neck brace and have abit of aches.

Anyway, santa delivered and little man is still over the moon about his presents. But he is still asking why he didn't atleast see santa. Bless.

The last days after christmas have been fanfare for me despite wearing the neck brace. I have had to do all the silly things like dance around the house, tell false stories, imitate animal sounds, get forced to sing at 6am when the rest are still in bed as well as play soccer and get glued to disney channel!! Its been crazy but fun. Like my son told my dad this morning..'we do really silly things together.'

Yesterday we hosted some of my extended family to lunch and it was awesome. Little man got to meet some of his cousins for the very first time and he didn't hold back in showing his excitement. He kept calling them 'my cousins' and saying how this is his best holiday yet. The day ended with him being happily exhausted.

'The day you were born, I blew my horn, To tell the world that I had a beautiful boy, Who looks full of joy, When your heart and mine combine, You became my sunshine, Who brings me so many smiles, And we'll walk for miles, Until we find the sun that shines' Francisco Gutierrez